Love You Grandma

I didn't think I would be able to write this for a while and actually make it through, but I just needed to get some clarity. Don't expect eloquence or even coherency. Grandma had a blood clot in her heart, a massive heart attack, and has passed away suddenly today. I can't believe this happened. I thought I would have my grandma for many many years to come. She was so vibrant and alive, it still seems surreal. Grandma was so much fun and always kept me on my toes. I am grateful for the time I have had with her over the last few years to really get to know her better and for my children to know her. We have spent probably at least 75% of the last Thursdays with her for the past few years and those are times I will cherish forever. My kids love their GG. I know everything I am feeling is pure selfishness, because I know beyond doubt that she is with her husband, who she hasn't seen for 20 years, her parents, and her siblings. I know that she is happier. I know that she was ready to go. But. it. sucks. I wish I could have seen her one more time. Hugged her one more time. Gone to lunch with her once more. But I guess that would never really be enough either. I was talking to my mom on the phone yesterday and did hear her say that she loves me and I was able to say it back, at least I have that. My heart is just broken, I don't even know what to do. I guess just stay really busy and try not to dwell on it. This post isn't really supposed to be about me, it was supposed to be about her and how great she was. I will have to post more about her when my thoughts are a little more clear, but for now- I love you grandma.

Connor at 18 months

I can't believe Connor is 18 months old! It has gone by so stinking fast. He had a check up today, here are his stats:

Height- 32 3/4 in tall which is 65%, 22#13- 10%, and his head is in the 50th% at 18 3/4 in.

This little boy melts my heart multiple times a day, he is really sweet. I want to remember all of the reasons why I'm so crazy about this little stinker so that when he colors all over my walls in crayon (like he did today) or pulls everything apart like the picture above, I'll remember why I keep him... so here they are: 1. His dimples. 2. the way he dances 3. He is talking so much and his words are so cute! Blapes=grapes, flop flops= flip flops, tinsey=Kinsey, the way he says thanks is too cute, he says, "hand" when he wants to hold my hand, he says so many more words and they just sound so cute when they are first learning to talk. 4. The way he always has to be playing with my hair or rubbing something soft. 5. He is such a snuggler. 6. He always says, "book", gets one, and then says , "lap" and plops on my lap. 7. I love the way he smiles. 8. The way he wraps his tiny little arms around my neck to give me a hug, especially when he just comes over to give me one out of the blue. 9. I guess I should quit telling him when things are cute because now when something strikes his fancy he says, "cute!" (I think it's cute but trav thinks it's not a manly enough word : ).) 10. He will lay by us at night and just watch TV or relax, Kinsey never did that. Okay well that's to name a few I've been feeling bad because I haven't written about him much, but he is just such a good little boy. He is really tender hearted and happy, always smiling. Travis definitely has a soft spot for him, too. He comes home from work and carries him wherever he goes. Connor cries the saddest heart wrenching cry every time Trav walks out the door. A little annoying to me, but cute all the same.

Little Ballerina

Kinsey has been begging and begging for me to put her in ballet. She refuses anything but ballet. So, I finally gave in and signed her up for a combo class so she could explore her options. I think I was more excited than she was to put her in her little black leotard and pink tights and watch her "moves" as she calls them. I was dying to take my video camera, but was sure that would scream, "FIRST TIME MOM!!" So I refrained. She really takes after me, I must say just about zero coordination. It was her first class though, so I'm sure she'll improve. It was just about the cutest thing I've ever witnessed. She tried so hard to follow what the teacher was doing, her little bod making all sorts of contortions-just not the right ones ; ). Kinsey had a blast though, on the way home she kept asking if she could go everyday.